A Carpe Diem Year

Ok firstly I would like to apologize to the three people that openly admit to reading my blog as well as the hidden hordes I know are out there lapping my words up in secret. To those people I have to tell you, it's nothing to be ashamed of, really. I'm not That bad, nor is my material so peverted that it's something you need to hide from your friends. Anyhow, what I'm apologizing for is my prolonged absence. I seem to write a lot about how moody I am or how insanely happy I am but nothing particularly new and exciting. In consequence I really didn't want to bore you all with the details of my Christmas with the family, the waves of despairing loneliness that washed over me (irrationally) alternating with bouts of euphoric Christmas giddiness (also irrationally). Also, I've been unusually critical with myself. It's rare that I start out with any intent or purpose when I post, so it usually sounds quite rambling. However, lately that hasn't quite been good enough. Yes I'm rambling right now, in fact I can barely think through the fog in my brain caused by prolonged inactivity and weeks of eating too much. But I have decided that you, dear reader, have been ignored for too long.

I want to think about New Years. I love New Years. Ok, I hate New Year's eve with a passion. To me it's the worst holiday in the whole wide world. But I love New Years. I love the feeling of a brand new year. For the first little while anyways it feels different from all the other years. This year has possibilities. This is the year I'm going somewhere. I'll do something big. I'll start on the path that will lead me down the road of my Ideal Future. So for a little while I feel grand. I walk with a bounce in my step, I stand a little straighter, I drink more water, go to the gym more often and try to procrastinate less. I try and smile and flirt and be charming and witty, ah yes, this year has possibilities. But as we all know, our Resolutions are doomed before they actually begin. It's kind of embarrassing to admit that we've fallen of the wagon, but since it was inevitiable anyways we all just kind of grin sheepishly and move on. We set the bar to high we tell ourselves, there's always next year. I wish, I desperately wish, that this year would be different. I want a Carpe Diem year. When I'm old I want to look back and remember what I did, not what I wish I had done. So please, please let this New Year's be different.