Monday, July 21, 2008

How easily we slip back in to our old habits

It is so much easier to live life in mediocrity. Trust me. I've had an absolutely exhausting and stressful week so I used it as an excuse to let myself slip back in to my old ways. I did not make any effort to step outside my comfort zone, I in no way strove to be better, on the contrary I told myself that it would be enough... more then enough to make it through this week alive. Now I'm not stressed though, I have no excuse. In fact, this weekend I had two opportunities to be severely outside of my comfort zone. I went to a salsa club on Saturday, and I comforted a friend who had just lost an important family member on Sunday. I will grant you that the two things don't seem connected, the connection is very vague at best. The only thing they have in common is that I didn't feel entirely comfortable doing either. The salsa club was terrifying for one simple reason... I don't dance. Actually that's not entirely accurate, I do dance but not well. So I don't mind feigning I can dance when I'm with my girl friends, and anyone can look like they know what they're doing when its top 40 thats playing, but salsa requires actual skill, actual steps. I learned the gist of it in a few minutes, enough so that I looked like I knew what I was doing but then... guys asked me to dance and it all went down hill from there. Of course, I was either concentrating really hard or cracking up. I was trying not to roll my eyes at the stereotypical latin lover thing that the guys were working, I'm pretty sure that my clumsiness killed any "mood" they were trying to create. In spite of it all though, I had so much fun and I've resolved to continue learning how to salsa, and maybe, just maybe next time I'll actually let the guys lead.

As for my time with my other friend, some people wonder why that would be out of my comfort zone. Actually I wasn't, but think about this for a second, your friend is obviously very upset, devastated in fact, and you're the kind of person who is, from time to time, accidentally an insensitive bitch. Now would not be the moment. Also, any situation remotely like that can be difficult because everyone grieves differently. What you need when your grieving can be very different from what other people need. My friend wanted to be distracted, I on the other hand like to reminisce and try to instill myself with good memories. However, I obliged and we spent the evening talking about everything but. I managed to make her laugh a few times so I think that this is another instance of me worrying over nothing and building something up in my head... Its something I do a lot. I just wanted to close by letting my darling friend know that I am praying for her and her family. xoxoxo

(PS I'm not going to edit but in reading what I wrote above I am aware of how little sense I made, I have a headache be patient)

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