One of the things that I've learned from the blogging world is that, sometimes you can have your cake and eat it too. Yes folks, there are people who have the wonderful job of sifting through the internet and watching day time television and then reporting it back to us, the people that actually have to work/study for a living in a witty and anecdotal style. Its a dream, it really is. Right now its one of my three favourite "in the near future" dreams. Dream #1 is daring and enterprising, completely underpaid political aide. Changing the world by pissing off one high ranking civil servant twice my age at a time. Dream #2: Vagabond, world traveler, making money working odd jobs (read: nannying and teaching english) all the while documenting my experiences by blogging, journaling (on a brand new mac book) and taking copious pictures with the 1500$ nikon I would need for this dream. Dream #3: Intrepid blogger, on one internet beat after another. When I run out of material, I can write about the mediocre social life I would no doubt have or what Oprah said today and how it gives women unrealistic expectations. Dream big people, dream big.
Its actually almost impossible for me to stay depressed. Some people would say that's a blessing. My mother is greatly comforted by the fact that on most weekends I can be seen going around the house and doing my chores singing (albeit off key) like I'm some kind of Disney princess. The truth is I can't help it. I live with the eternal pessimist (my father) and the eternal realist (my mother) and the eternal grump (my sister). Toss in the interchanging house students who range in personality from social recluse to debonairmetrosexual and I think its clear that somebody in this family has to be all giggles and sunshine. (I can see most of my friends rolling their eyes at that last statement) but the reality is that, comparatively anyways I actually have a relatively sunny disposition.
Anyways, like I said above, some people would say that my chirpiness is a blessing. Those people clearly don't have an artistic temperment. They don't get the value added of a good sulk. The appeal of walking around the house in high dudgeon. To stand by my window and stare out in to the night sky, coldly beautiful... to lie, languishing on my bed with one melancholy tear trickling down my cheek. To write reams of mediocre poetry in my journal... Ok so I'm carried away and I've read too many old romances (not the harlequin kind, the victorian kind, where the heroine is always an enormous sap)
I guess what I'm trying to say here is... Im back folks... ish!
the fatal combination of gloomy weather, the fact that I haven't been taking birth control for the past month (maaaad PMSing) and a potential cold brewing means that I have a bad case of the doldrums. What I really want to do is sit at home all day, nursing myself with hot tea (there's not hot chocolate... WHY God WHY) cookies, perfect slices of raisin toast with creamy salty butter melting in to its cinnamon swirl, and heaping bowls of hot pasta oozing cheese, pesto and garlic. (I haven't had breakfast yet) I crave the mellowness of soft voice women singers crooning over gentle piano melodies. I want to read my favourite blogs, start a girly novel and watch chick flicks. I genuinely need bubble baths. I cannot, under any circumstances spend too much time with people. I might get unreasonably angry with them, or start to cry. In short, I am a mess. I really should have just stayed in bed and ignored my employers when they called. But here I am, up and listening to my mellow music and eating my raisin toast. I would like to make cookies, but its not allowed. sooo saaaaaad.
I'm more then a little miffed. This school year is definetely not working out the way I'ld envisioned it. No not at all. I'm not getting enough reading done, I'm not seeing my friends often enough, I'm not getting things done early, I don't have a job and I haven't really been staying on top of my exercising. All that said, I'm FINALLY registered for my NLS. I put it off for as long as possible but then I realized I was really going to need to make some money before Christmas. I've also been slightly better at exercising then everything else. Maybe it's an excuse to avoid work... who knows. Anyways whatever the reason, I'm glad I'm at least taking care of my health. Though, I think what's really on my mind right now is that CL posting and how I never followed through with it. I didn't want to find love or anything but in some ways I feel limited to my program etc. when it comes to meeting people. This will require some wide awake thought. I'll have to get back to y'all
I don't know why I'm feeling glum. Or should I say, I don't know why I WAS feeling glum. Perhaps its the inevitable onset of fall. Perhaps its the unavoidable state of singleness. Maybe I'm just pining for my friends, whom I haven't seen in weeks. Whatever the case may be, I'm cheering myself up with one of the few known cures of the doldrums. My Fair Lady! I love Audrey, I love Rex and I love musicals. I love the wild clothes. I love whoever is playing Eliza's dad, I even like that milksop of a boy who's in love with Eliza.
confession #1: Today is one of my swimming days, in fact, true story (I refuse to relinquish that saying) I should be in the pool in twenty minutes. I'm currently sitting fully dressed in my freshly tidied room reading all my favourite blogs, which, for the record is no mean feat because there are around 40 of them.
confession #2: I don't care.
confession # 3: I follow a bizarre number of food blogs considering I do the least amount of cooking around the house.
confession #4: I have a penchant for travel memoirs, especially in which the author is as obsessed with a good meal as I am.
So yeah, all of that had absolutely nothing to do with anything except perhaps an explanation for why I don't feel like doing anything today. On a side note, did you know that there are now 100 million bloggers world wide? What are they all writing about? So please excuse me while I get back to imagining how delicious these foods might be without having to act on it and avoiding studying and exercising.