"you keep biting heads off of gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized'"

I've been gone for a while, and I loved it. No offense folks. But no internet, no newspapers, the occasional One Tree Hill episode plus lots of good thick novels is about as close as you come to paradise you know. It was wonderful too, to find out who my real friends were. The people who called me and who didn't ignore my conspicuous absence from the technological world. I felt overcome several times, to write, be it on this site or in my plethora of notebooks but I just couldn't bring myself to do it without my computer.

Plus, I'm a little apprehensive. I want to know whether or not I should even bother anymore. Do I have anything really and truly worth contributing the blogosphere? It doesn't always feel like I do I must confess. Some people have the most interesting struggles, lives, loves and observations. Besides that what do I have to offer aside from my own anxieties, cynicism and a certain love of life that this blogging adventure has helped me cultivate.

Reading other people's blogs has made me realize how far I have to go and how much I have to appreciate. My break made me realize that in some ways this whole blog thing is overrated. But it lets me write, ramble and rant, and occasionally, when I'm very lucky, get some feedback.

There's more of what's been going on to follow.

sorry I've been gone

It's been so long... I feel terribly guilty. A few things have kept me tied up, school, my new job... the Twilight series. Ok I'm pretty embarrassed about the last one. I;m sorry that I abandoned you guys for twilight. Twilight is kind of liek a certain kind of candy that I love once I start I just can't stop. The writing was awful, the couple was absolutely nauseating... (I really think she picked the wrong guy) but once you start, how do you stop right?

Everything slipped up while I was reading those books. I worked half-heartedly, I couldn't bring myself to exercise or do the laundry, I didn't want to see my friends until I was finished. I tend to avoid books like that because I don't want to be sucked in. I've avoided anything gossip girl, though I did read shopaholic and the devil wears prada. It feels so good to be bad.

Part of the intriguing part for me is the fact that, I almost feel like I could right one. A certain degree of believability is required for these books coupled with some humour and and a few anecdote type stories.

But I also have to wonder, hopefully without sounding too pretentious, whether or not these people feel bad writing their flaky stories, with no meaning except to entertain. There are thousands of books writen and published every year, but how many of them will go down in history or be remembered as works of importance and influence. They're probably more widely read than any great literary achievement, but does that mean that they will be what is remembered as opposed to what has been acclaimed?

It's interesting isn't it? To speculate on what aspects of our culture will survive. Will we be remembered by Kanye music and gossip girl (or Harry Potter for that matter) or will it be the so called geniuses who survive?

it looks like I'm working less then 30 hours this summer

a 30 hour work week! I'm so friggin excited. So what should I do with my time? I couldnt find any classes I wanted to take. I want to volunteer, take new gym classes... you know, all that jazz.

something I've been thinking about...

I don't know why this has been bugging me, perhaps its because of my american politics class. After all this is no longer a political issue. SO, here's the thing. I want to live in a world without abortion. Ok, I can hear the gasps and sighs of dismay... but bear with me. I don't mean I want to live in a world where abortion is inaccessible. On the contrary, I think it should continue to be as accessible as it currently is in Canada.

I want to live in a world where contraception is affordable. Where girls can protect themselves without their parents permission. I want to live in a world where sex is always consensual. I want to live in a world with virtually no birth defects. I want to live in a world where every single baby is wanted and recognized for the blessing it is.

Abortion should always be an option. In an ideal world, no one would want or need to choose it.

pot fun facts

Fact: Canadians have the second highest percentage of pot smokers (after Holland) in the world.
Fact: Canada came this close to legalizing the stuff.
Fact: The best stuff comes from BC.

Can we please, as a nation, accept the fact that it's about as bad or as good as booze, a heck of a lot better then cigarettes and, unless your planning to fine 45% of Canadians (or throw them in jail) we should just make the stuff legal (and tax it)?

I'm not saying I use or don't use. I'm just saying that this is getting silly. Now don't just decriminalize it. Legalize it. In the same way that it seems strange that people can kill themselves with two packs a day but can't enjoy the occasional spliff (which has as much tar as 3 cigarettes and young people who smoke weed regularly triple their chances of adult onset schizophrenia) and in the same way that a man can pay a woman to take her clothes off, can purchase dvds of other people having sex but cannot pay someone to have sex with him (or a woman for that matter). It really just boggles my mind what sins are legal and what sins aren't. I get why heroine and crack are illegal, that makes sense, but weed... weed will always baffle me.

Ah me, what to do...

So folks, this post is going to be pretty random. Here's a list of things I want to cover:

-School! Almost done!

-Some musings about how delicious May is.

-A recipe, a very delicious recipe from http://www.orangette.blogspot.com/

-Some pictures illustrating the deliciousness of May.

-My stupid procrastination/fear of failure thing.

-My occasionally frstrating lack of direction.

-Have any of you attempted writing a book or a short story lately? Because I would like to get back in to the swing. But I don't know how.

First thing is first. I'm almost done school, I have take home exams to submit (that I should have already submitted) one more exam to write and a decision to make about summer school (i.e. do I want to ruin my summer and graduate faster?) All things considered, given my crazy anxiety over school and thus my tendancy to pretend that the work isn't there, things haven't been going so badly. Whenever I feel even slightly compelled to goof off, I do one of two things: 1) goof off

2) bust out the ol' therapy journal and do some exercises.

Thats right folks, pre-emptive measures. Are you proud? Because I am!

May is awesome. It is quite simply my favourite month of the year. It's not too hot, not too cold, everything has flowers on it. I can wear pretty dresses. I can drink lemonade. Usually I'm finished school by now. I can spend my weekends lazing outdoors, reading some old english classic or some brainless chick lit. There's almost always a delicious breeze wafting, making the great big willow in our garden sway..... Ok so I haven't been outdoors in a while and I miss it, can you tell?

Here's some pictures!

K so the pictures totally threw my alignment out of wack.

Anyway...

Recipe time!

(cut and pasted from www.orangette.blogspot.com)

Banana Bread with Cinnamon Crumble Topping

Adapted from Bakesale Betty and Bon Appétit, September 2008

For bread:1 ½ cups all-purpose flour

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

1 tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

1 cup mashed ripe banana (about 3 medium bananas)

2 large eggs

½ cup vegetable oil

¼ cup honey

¼ cup water

For topping:

2 Tbsp. sugar

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

2 ½ Tbsp. packed dark brown sugar

Preheat the oven to 350° F. Butter and flour a 9- x 5-inch metal loaf pan. (Alternatively, you can spray the pan lightly with cooking spray and then line it with parchment paper, letting the excess hang over the sides. That’s what I did, and it made it very easy to remove the finished bread from the pan; I just grabbed the parchment and lifted. Also, because I don’t have a 9- x 5-inch pan - and because an 8 ½- x 4 ½-inch is a little too small - I used a 10- x 3-inch pan that I found once at a flea market.)In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt. In a large bowl, whisk together the banana, eggs, oil, honey, and water. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, and stir well. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan.In a small bowl, mix together the topping ingredients. Sprinkle them evenly over the batter.Bake the bread until a tester inserted into its center comes out clean, about 1 hour, give or take a little. Cool the bread in the pan on a wire rack for 30 minutes. Then carefully remove the bread from the pan, taking care not to dislodge the topping. Cool completely before slicing.

Yield: 1 loaf

There you go folks. YUM

So uh... I'm in my third year of my bachelor's degree. So you could say I'm at a crossroads. I need to start thinking about my fourth year and what comes after which has been stressing the heck out of me! Grad school? Law school? Neither? Japan followed by backpacking through Asia, then a job in France followed by backpacking through Europe? Working for an NGO abroad? (NGO- Non-Government Organisation, think Doctors without borders). Sit down and write a book? Get on the political war path? Quit it all and open up a little bake shop like the girl in Stranger then Fiction? OH MAN!

Writing people, give me guidance! I've started a million plots, but then I get bogged down or lose interest or feel like I don't have time! I know that Nina over at Life's a Ficke Pickle manages to write short stories even with her hectic schedule, so really, do I have an excuse?

Thanks for listening folks. This is just some of the crazy bouncing around in my brain right now.

is it worth the frustration???

OH MY GOD!

There really are all types on dating sites. I mean, ok there are two ways of looking at this: 1) everyone on the site must be fucked up, since they're still single. 2) I'm on the site, I'm not fucked up. There must be a few good ones.

Ok I'm starting to think that I'm fucked up.

There are the needy, clingy, whiny guys who get all upset when I don't respond right away. I read a note from one guy and didn't get back to him for a couple of days who sent me another saying "I didn't like you that much anyway".

There are the profound assholes, who wear their badges of assholery with pride. They would stand on roof tops bellowing, "I'm an asshole, hear me roar. Look at how I got Douche tattooed across my upper back with really fancy calligraphy." Ladies, let me help you spot them: they say things like "I do whatever the fuck I want." in their profiles.

There are the guys who are just plain boring! Be it the nurse guy from a little while ago, the "handy man" (interestingly enough, his name was Dan) that I went out with a couple of weeks ago, were both very nice, woefully uninformed, and socially inept. Reader poll: should a university degree become one of my requirements? Or is that too snobby? Would it even protect me from people who don't know who Vladimir Putin is?

Oh and lets not forget "the pervs". Ok, I'm not talking about child molesters or rapists (though I'm sure those are out there too), I'm just talking about the ones who are way way WAY kinkier then me, and want to help me explore my kinky side. All very well and good, but folks, there are just some things that I DON'T want to do, not even try. I don't care if you're Brad Pitt (ok well maybe Brad), it just ain't gonna happen!

And of course, there are the guys that I like, who, unfortunately don't seem to like me back. Case in point: I never heard from the french guy again.

However, I'm going out with a nice, normal, funny, extra tall guy on Thursday. Fingers crossed everyone!

Also, triathlon training is in a slump already! This does not bode well.