something I've been thinking about...

I don't know why this has been bugging me, perhaps its because of my american politics class. After all this is no longer a political issue. SO, here's the thing. I want to live in a world without abortion. Ok, I can hear the gasps and sighs of dismay... but bear with me. I don't mean I want to live in a world where abortion is inaccessible. On the contrary, I think it should continue to be as accessible as it currently is in Canada.

I want to live in a world where contraception is affordable. Where girls can protect themselves without their parents permission. I want to live in a world where sex is always consensual. I want to live in a world with virtually no birth defects. I want to live in a world where every single baby is wanted and recognized for the blessing it is.

Abortion should always be an option. In an ideal world, no one would want or need to choose it.

pot fun facts

Fact: Canadians have the second highest percentage of pot smokers (after Holland) in the world.
Fact: Canada came this close to legalizing the stuff.
Fact: The best stuff comes from BC.

Can we please, as a nation, accept the fact that it's about as bad or as good as booze, a heck of a lot better then cigarettes and, unless your planning to fine 45% of Canadians (or throw them in jail) we should just make the stuff legal (and tax it)?

I'm not saying I use or don't use. I'm just saying that this is getting silly. Now don't just decriminalize it. Legalize it. In the same way that it seems strange that people can kill themselves with two packs a day but can't enjoy the occasional spliff (which has as much tar as 3 cigarettes and young people who smoke weed regularly triple their chances of adult onset schizophrenia) and in the same way that a man can pay a woman to take her clothes off, can purchase dvds of other people having sex but cannot pay someone to have sex with him (or a woman for that matter). It really just boggles my mind what sins are legal and what sins aren't. I get why heroine and crack are illegal, that makes sense, but weed... weed will always baffle me.

Ah me, what to do...

So folks, this post is going to be pretty random. Here's a list of things I want to cover:

-School! Almost done!

-Some musings about how delicious May is.

-A recipe, a very delicious recipe from http://www.orangette.blogspot.com/

-Some pictures illustrating the deliciousness of May.

-My stupid procrastination/fear of failure thing.

-My occasionally frstrating lack of direction.

-Have any of you attempted writing a book or a short story lately? Because I would like to get back in to the swing. But I don't know how.

First thing is first. I'm almost done school, I have take home exams to submit (that I should have already submitted) one more exam to write and a decision to make about summer school (i.e. do I want to ruin my summer and graduate faster?) All things considered, given my crazy anxiety over school and thus my tendancy to pretend that the work isn't there, things haven't been going so badly. Whenever I feel even slightly compelled to goof off, I do one of two things: 1) goof off

2) bust out the ol' therapy journal and do some exercises.

Thats right folks, pre-emptive measures. Are you proud? Because I am!

May is awesome. It is quite simply my favourite month of the year. It's not too hot, not too cold, everything has flowers on it. I can wear pretty dresses. I can drink lemonade. Usually I'm finished school by now. I can spend my weekends lazing outdoors, reading some old english classic or some brainless chick lit. There's almost always a delicious breeze wafting, making the great big willow in our garden sway..... Ok so I haven't been outdoors in a while and I miss it, can you tell?

Here's some pictures!

K so the pictures totally threw my alignment out of wack.

Anyway...

Recipe time!

(cut and pasted from www.orangette.blogspot.com)

Banana Bread with Cinnamon Crumble Topping

Adapted from Bakesale Betty and Bon Appétit, September 2008

For bread:1 ½ cups all-purpose flour

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

1 tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

1 cup mashed ripe banana (about 3 medium bananas)

2 large eggs

½ cup vegetable oil

¼ cup honey

¼ cup water

For topping:

2 Tbsp. sugar

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

2 ½ Tbsp. packed dark brown sugar

Preheat the oven to 350° F. Butter and flour a 9- x 5-inch metal loaf pan. (Alternatively, you can spray the pan lightly with cooking spray and then line it with parchment paper, letting the excess hang over the sides. That’s what I did, and it made it very easy to remove the finished bread from the pan; I just grabbed the parchment and lifted. Also, because I don’t have a 9- x 5-inch pan - and because an 8 ½- x 4 ½-inch is a little too small - I used a 10- x 3-inch pan that I found once at a flea market.)In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt. In a large bowl, whisk together the banana, eggs, oil, honey, and water. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, and stir well. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan.In a small bowl, mix together the topping ingredients. Sprinkle them evenly over the batter.Bake the bread until a tester inserted into its center comes out clean, about 1 hour, give or take a little. Cool the bread in the pan on a wire rack for 30 minutes. Then carefully remove the bread from the pan, taking care not to dislodge the topping. Cool completely before slicing.

Yield: 1 loaf

There you go folks. YUM

So uh... I'm in my third year of my bachelor's degree. So you could say I'm at a crossroads. I need to start thinking about my fourth year and what comes after which has been stressing the heck out of me! Grad school? Law school? Neither? Japan followed by backpacking through Asia, then a job in France followed by backpacking through Europe? Working for an NGO abroad? (NGO- Non-Government Organisation, think Doctors without borders). Sit down and write a book? Get on the political war path? Quit it all and open up a little bake shop like the girl in Stranger then Fiction? OH MAN!

Writing people, give me guidance! I've started a million plots, but then I get bogged down or lose interest or feel like I don't have time! I know that Nina over at Life's a Ficke Pickle manages to write short stories even with her hectic schedule, so really, do I have an excuse?

Thanks for listening folks. This is just some of the crazy bouncing around in my brain right now.

is it worth the frustration???

OH MY GOD!

There really are all types on dating sites. I mean, ok there are two ways of looking at this: 1) everyone on the site must be fucked up, since they're still single. 2) I'm on the site, I'm not fucked up. There must be a few good ones.

Ok I'm starting to think that I'm fucked up.

There are the needy, clingy, whiny guys who get all upset when I don't respond right away. I read a note from one guy and didn't get back to him for a couple of days who sent me another saying "I didn't like you that much anyway".

There are the profound assholes, who wear their badges of assholery with pride. They would stand on roof tops bellowing, "I'm an asshole, hear me roar. Look at how I got Douche tattooed across my upper back with really fancy calligraphy." Ladies, let me help you spot them: they say things like "I do whatever the fuck I want." in their profiles.

There are the guys who are just plain boring! Be it the nurse guy from a little while ago, the "handy man" (interestingly enough, his name was Dan) that I went out with a couple of weeks ago, were both very nice, woefully uninformed, and socially inept. Reader poll: should a university degree become one of my requirements? Or is that too snobby? Would it even protect me from people who don't know who Vladimir Putin is?

Oh and lets not forget "the pervs". Ok, I'm not talking about child molesters or rapists (though I'm sure those are out there too), I'm just talking about the ones who are way way WAY kinkier then me, and want to help me explore my kinky side. All very well and good, but folks, there are just some things that I DON'T want to do, not even try. I don't care if you're Brad Pitt (ok well maybe Brad), it just ain't gonna happen!

And of course, there are the guys that I like, who, unfortunately don't seem to like me back. Case in point: I never heard from the french guy again.

However, I'm going out with a nice, normal, funny, extra tall guy on Thursday. Fingers crossed everyone!

Also, triathlon training is in a slump already! This does not bode well.

Happy Birthday Andrea

Yesterday was a big day. Yesterday was the day my little sister became old enough to drink in Toronto. That's right folks, the girl is 19. Actually I should call her a woman. So, to commemorate this special day I decided to get her jewelry. www.etsy.com is a wonderful site. Everything is handmade, everything is priced reasonably and everything is one of a kind. But at the end of the day I suppose that that's not what I really wanted to write about.

I'm rereading the alchemist and it's making me think. I need time to figure out my life, but my life seems ready to charge on without me. How nice would it be, to spend a couple of months in contemplative solitude. Not isolation, not silence, but a kind of introspective solitude so that you have time to figure stuff out. Maybe at an ashram in India, maybe on a beach on some teeny tiny greek island. Maybe right here at home, but with no job, enough money to see a shrink, do yoga every day and go to organic cooking classes. I want to hit pause, I want to figure out my life, sort through my "issues"; my fears, my phobias. And then when I'm good and ready, get back into it again....

If only right?

Doin' my I have 9 followers dance!

Oh my goodness, 9 followers, this thing is really snow balling :P. Oh man... so much to talk about I don't even know where to start. I'm going to think in categories here: school, romance, social life, misc., career, am I missing anything? Oh man if only I had a blackberry, I could blog on the train! Anywho...

School: I suck. I really do. Its pretty embarrassing. My profs think I'm wildly intelligent until it takes me 3 weeks to complete a simple 10 pager. I of course know exactly whats going on. They don't. Am I going to tell them? No. I should, but instead they just think I smoke a lot of pot or spend too much time getting my nails done or whatever.

Romance: Ok, fucking dating sites. Sorry, but man... people can portray themselves however they want and it SUCKS because I wind up disappointed and so do they. On the flip side, meeting people in real life is hard. Maybe I'm socially retarded.

Social life: Essentially non-existant because of school. I occasionally get dragged to a party I don't want to attend. Sometimes I go to a club or bar with a few people but things have been kind of lacklustre of late.

Misc: Oh my effing Lord, I'm training for a triathlon people. I know right... Because enough is enough. It saddens me that running a mile is so damn exhausting. It also saddens me that I have flub where my triceps should be. No longer people, no longer. Plus, hopefully I'll be ready to do Run for the Cure in September.

Also, how does one go about writing a novel? I suppose its just one more thing that I'm going to procrastinate on this summer, but I think it would be kind of fun. If you have any tips feel free to share.

Work: I HAVE A SUMMER JOOOOOOB! Woot! This is awesome. I don't have to become a street baker or a nanny for 8 bratty children. Thank heavens! Nope, instead, one of my professors is going to hire me. (I know, I was suprised too!) Cross your fingers for me, tell your friends.

I heart letters

I really do. Because I find them ALL over the place, and notes that my friends and I passed, scrap bits of paper with to-do lists, story ideas, things that I want, goals etc. My room is littered with them. My favourite has got to be letters however. I don't have any love letters YET but someday I hope I will. Anyway, I found this one little gem that I wanted to share, it's from when I was a ten-year old camper and as much of a misfit as you've ever seen. Let me paint the picture for you before I share the letter, with a few short words and phrases: book worm, too smart, gangly, boyish, thick glasses, poor wardrobe, socially awkward, too honest, too trusting. Can you see why I might have had trouble making friends? Anyway, long story short, I was, for a number of years, the kind of target certain girls dream of encountering and, Christian camp or no, there was still that kind of girl. So, the letter, from one of my councellors. Very sweet and just the kind of thing an insecure little dork like me needed to hear.

Dear Laura,
It's late at night Saturday and for some reason I thought of you. I wanted to say something to you that I didn't get a chance to at camp.
I know some of the girls gave you a hard time at camp. You are going to run into that in life. You are different from a lot of people. You are very smart and that will make some people dislike you. (editor's note: told you!) My advice to you is try not to let it get to you. You are very special and you should not let others make you feel bad about that. Don't ever deny your brains. I'm sure you're destined for something gret in life. Look around for people who can appreciate your specialness. They are out there!
It was wonderful having you at camp. Hope to run in to you again.
Love,
____

So, I think the moral of this is two-fold. Never underestimate the difference a kind word can make in a child's life. And two, be different! I probably couldn't have blended in with the "cool girls" even if I had tried, but as I got older I found people who appreciated me. I grew too... I was none the worse for the bullying I received, in fact it made me stronger. BUT, some people don't get away so lightly. Oh yeah, I guess thats lesson number 3, grow!